October 2022 – Lisbon, Portugal

I matched with The Lightweight on Bumble the day I returned to Lisbon in October 2022.  He wanted to meet immediately, but I needed a day to settle and adjust to being back on GMT.  We agreed to meet the following night.

He was a witty, funny, handsome Brit who was in Lisbon for work that week. 

The banter was off to a solid start the next morning when he started talking shit that I (someone who has spent so much time in Lisbon) didn’t know the bar he suggested. I said it must be a tourist destination and that was why.

He was a bit cocky, and was reminiscent of Bachelor #12, but with a tinge of awkward. Naturally, I was excited to meet him.

As I was on my way to meet him, he texted to let me know he was dressed “more formal than planned” since he was coming straight from work and didn’t have time to go change.  I told him not to worry, I was always dressed to impress (100 % a lie, but I HAPPENED to have put a little effort in and was feeling extra cute in my leather mini and booties).

I arrived shortly after him and texted when I arrived. The Lightweight came to the door to great me (smooth) and brought me to our table in the super cute bar upstairs from the Speakeasy… he neglected to make a reservation and was apologetic about the change, but I loved the space, so it worked out.

He was handsome but didn’t quite align with his photos (none of us do, so won’t hold that against him). He was actually his stated height! HUGE bonus points.

We immediately bonded over our love of taking pictures of cocktails, which aligned with our competitive spirits as we asked the table next to us to judge who took the better photo.

I clearly won.

The great banter that started online continued in real life as we sipped our first and second round of cocktails. I was clearly battling jetlag as I started yawning nonstop, but assured him I was not tired, but just “upside down.” He took this as the perfect opportunity to make a sexual innuendo and confirmed by suspicions he was getting quite tipsy. 

He asked if I wanted another cocktail, and I asked if he was sure he could handle another one. This put the competitive spirit back in play and he scoffed he could outdrink me.

Sir, what is this?  High school? We are far too grown for this “I can outdrink you” foolery.

JaySlashKay!  Bring on the foolery and another round of drinks, it’s on sir.

Fast forward, we are laughing and joking as the waiter is bringing us experimental cocktails the bar is  “working on”….along with another round of drinks.

We finally decided it was time to leave and I secretly hoped he was going to pay because this tourist bar was twice the cost of my typical local bars.

He did, and left a massive tip (after refusing to let me at least leave the tip).

As soon as we got outside it was clear we were tipsy, but still standing! We were having too good a time to call it a night so I asked him if he was up for another round on me and he declared “we are going all night!!”

That should have been my sign that this was going to get sloppy. I’m clearly a risk taker, so we decided to head to my favorite bar.

In the two minutes it took to call an uber, I realized I needed a bathroom IMMEDIATELY, so I ran in to the bar next door.

When I came out of the WC thirty seconds later, he was already at the bar and patted the seat next to him. 

“What about the Uber?”

“I canceled it”

… shots appear…

Oh fuck, this IS going to be a night.

We take our shots, drink a beer, call another Uber and head to my favorite bar.

As soon as we got there, it was clear we weren’t getting in.  There was a big party inside and several people waiting outside. The Lightweight was starting to teeter and was getting a little slurry. I, the reigning champion of Lisbon lushes, was definitely tipsy, but feeling good. It was clearly his time to go home.   

Confident in his “sobriety” he slurred “there must be another bar nearby we could go to!”  I suggested we just call it a night and pointed out he was quite drunk already.  He laughed, then gurgled that I was the drunk one, and was adamant that we needed to find another bar… so off we went for another round.

Luckily there was a restaurant with a bar just down the street, that had a table in a corner we could tuck our intoxicated selves into…for ONE last beer.

Three sips into his beer, the Lightweight’s eyes started to close. I waited for him to catch the nod and come back to life so I could call him an uber.  He accepted defeat, put way too many Euro on the table and started to stumble outside.  I grabbed my beer to go and walked him outside.  As the Uber pulled up, he tried to lean in for a kiss, but luckily was too drunk to hit the target and just kind of fell into me.

I plopped him in the Uber, wished the driver good luck and walked home sipping my roadie.

The Lightweight texted me the next day to tell me he felt like shit, both from the booze and his sloppy behavior.  I told him I had had a great time, but we probably should have cut off the evening a little earlier.  He agreed and offered to make it up to me the following night, but I conveniently already had plans.