December 2022 Istanbul, Turkiye

Almost immediately after getting to Istanbul, I inadvertently started a pattern of dating Poly South Asian men when I matched with the Poly Pakistani on Bumble.

Preceded by the Poly Indian Psychologist comedian, who informed me “once you go brown, there is no turning around” when I told him I had a date with a Pakistani man. I was hopeful my first date in Istanbul would be equally as fun as my last date in Lisbon.

He was upfront about being in a relationship and made sure I had noticed that in his profile, and I confirmed I had and that was perfect for me since I was certainly not looking for a husband or any commitment.   

He was tall, a perfect mix of adorable and handsome, the conversation was great, and he was already in a relationship: had I struck gold on my first swipe?  My super supportive friend who had come to Istanbul to spend a week with me, was optimistic and insisted I leave her and go meet him immediately. 

Not one to ignore one of the board of directors, I agreed to meet him the day after we started chatting. 

He immediately earned gold stars when he picked a brewery (after confirming I like beer and bar bites – which happen to be my favorite food groups) close to where I was staying since I was still unfamiliar with the city.

I arrived to the brewery first and was impressed by his choice, the place was really cool and had a great craft beer selection. 

When he arrived, I still thought he was adorably handsome, but suspected his photos may have been a bit dated. I am usually not one to swoon over “guys with bikes” but something about his motorcycle helmet also made him a bit sexy, maybe because he definitely did not come off as a typical “biker” in any way.

We fell in to easy conversation over the promised beer and bar bites; about his immigration to Turkiye and the opportunities that had brought he and his partner to Istanbul, about travels, life in NYC and the US, and other shared interests and intrigues.

The conversation was so easy that it took me a few minutes to realize that I was on a date with a man and having a pretty in-depth conversation about his girlfriend, including him showing me pictures of her.

As soon as I realize what the chat was about, I thought it best I ask (simply for clarity’s sake… I’m pretty open):

Is she bi?

No. (She was actually out with her other boyfriend at the moment)

Okay, so this is not going to be THAT kind of night. Carry on.

All seemed to be going well, though definitely interesting, until he rather abruptly asked for the check.

Umm… okay, I guess we are done here?

He kindly covered the check and we both said we wanted to see each other again after my friend left in a few days. 

He asked if I wanted a ride home and I considered it for a minute, then I remembered he was on a motorcycle.  I did a quick estimated calculation of my weight, plus his weight, plus the angle of the hill I lived on and decided I’d never get over us not making it up that hill and politely declined. 

He was a bit insistent, but I stood strong that I was good to just walk the short distance home, then thought maybe he was trying to come home with me?

Had I missed some sign?  I had not gotten any kind of “I want to sleep with you” vibes from our date, or the abrupt ending.  I again declined his offer to take me home and assured him we would get together once my friend left (now it was I was being suggestive) and he headed one way, and I headed the other.

He texted to make sure I had made it home okay and I confirmed I had, thanked him for a great night and told him I was looking forward to seeing him again and would happily host cocktail hour at my place after my friend left.

I may have misread his persistence for giving me a ride home, because I never heard from him again.

And with that, my pattern of Poly-South-Asian men ended as abruptly as our date had…

For now.